that 70's show

my feet were clenched tightly,
as if somehow that could stop the walls
from changing shape.
a hulking shadow in the form
of my friend reclined on the couch.
i was trying to swallow my own mouth.
he grinned at me.

"how you doin over there?"

well, did i send that to...
the right person? and
am i saying the
right things? and
will my sinuses
stay this way? and
is my phone
going to...die
before i can say goodnight?
and, ohhh god, what if - what if -
the girl next to me thinks...
i'm hitting on her.
or worse.
what if - subconsciously -
i am.
and if that happens to be the case,
what does that mean?
and…does that make me…
an emotional slut?
is this aaaaaaaaaall a very
obvious secret, or
am i just being...annoying?
and i just want to know if that's a shadow on his hand,
or if it's really that dirty. and….
does anyone have a problem, and
has anyone ever had a problem at all?

"great."