I just really want it all to mean something,
but it doesn't. not all of it means something.
some of it is just a chemical released in the brain in a moment
and not even the warmth in the pit of your stomach can stop it
and even the words that you write can't mock it.
it's like a fire burning in your heart,
and there's blood dripping out your ear, down your face to cool it
so it starts working properly and then it starts working differently
and then you start having difficulties learning how things have changed
then an earthquake starts in your brain and you pray for the first time,
once again, that things can just go back and be the same even though when they were different
you felt so much more alive than you could back then
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