for me

I'm so lost.
I feel like the wind is pushing me around
and I'm strong so I remain still
but I get no where.

I want to push this approved love away and
I want to have the simplicity of being alone

I can't say one thing and do another, I won't
settle for anything lower
than I what my mind can reach on its tippy toes
I'm not being pushed I'm being prodded

and like any woman who's had sex at least
once knows, that's not pleasurable it's annoying

but how do you say, "let me alone" ?
how do you wish to go back to nothing
when the newness isn't even stale?
how do you slam the door on some
poor lamb when you are a lamb yourself?

How do I ignore all the calls and whispers, messages
letters, texts, shouts, searches, comments, pressure,
heavy silences, packages, pages, and voicemails

how do you get away to be alone how do you make
someone understand that ALONE doesn't mean
never and that TOGETHER means occasionally?

no man is an Island but Islands are in chains so you
always know the nearest person isn't that far
but the distance is important.

I always knew there was more to this than appreciation
and love, but this commitment is so hard to find worth
it these days
and YES it's because of me
and NO it doesn't mean
I hate you or don't care

I can't talk to anyone but my mother more than twice a day
without getting annoyed because I know if it's more than
twice the words really don't mean much
and I can't waste mine because
Can't
You
See?

I have so many important things to say
for me.