Habits

this diet of rainy days and
my thoughts and snubbed invitations to
birthdays, drinks, and coking
I can't quite remember what actually
happened all that time ago
my thoughts are, more selfish than they've ever been
and I still can't explain why a night in sounds better
than any kind of night activity with anyone.
I've got 1000 miles to remind me that
love is precious and another 1000 to tell me
that love is hard but only inches to remind me
I need to work get better analyze
understand that trust and reputation aren't
transferable credits.

I need to stop dreaming of dreams and
use my fists to build a reality I can cope with and
vent my frustrations in beautiful poems and
mind vacations where a paradise exists
but is wholly unattainable, yet see able and real

I've come to realize belonging is overrated,
passion is akin to air and adversity
weeds out everyone who's not worth my time
but still this isn't quite what I imagined.

being alone, thinking,
listening to the rain fall